The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
