Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
