you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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