Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
