So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
