The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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