I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
