dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
