Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
