My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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