if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
