It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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