i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
