i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
