My hand turned me down
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
