I have demons in me.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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