Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
