this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
