i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
