I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
