all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
