i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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