thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
