R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
