no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
