these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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