My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
They took my balls.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
