and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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