Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
