Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
