I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
