shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
