Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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