Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
