Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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