I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Boobs speak an international language.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
