Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
