Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
