the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
it glows. i had to have it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
