I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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