what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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