If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
