i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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