today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
