OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
