so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
