I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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