He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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