I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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