i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
